Well, we made it past another year. Hooray! :D This new years in particular, I am reminded of the most prominent theme of my academic career: seeing life as both a creative and destructive entity. As this year is ending, a new one is beginning. I used to be bothered by life's dynamic rhythm, but my high school English teacher, the most influential and inspiring person in my life, taught me how to enjoy, rather than fight, the waves life throws at me.
Unlike most Americans, I was not at a racy new years party. I don't believe that you need to spend new years eve drinking till you pass out. New years eve should be a time of deep reflection and reminiscing. You can't exactly look back at the year if you are deeply intoxicated. Tonight, I stayed home with my dad; we played ping pong and watched our favorite movies. It reminded me of all the many other times I've stayed with him. As soon as he went off to bed, I thought about the year 2010. I thought about the people I've met, the places I've been, the challenges I've overcome,the success I've achieved and what I've learned from all the good and bad experiences I've had in three-hundred and sixty five days.
Luckily, I have kept a pretty extensive journal over the years. One glance at my journal and I was sent back to myself a year ago. I re-lived all of the emotions I felt as a senior in high school. I felt the stress, the fear, the confusion, and the anxiousness, and the happiness. I felt my impatience to get out of my small town, but also the fear of leaving it. I felt the stress of school work and college applications, but also the joy of acceptances and the happiness of friends and family. This is why I love journaling; it allows me to instantly return to past feelings and emotions. It is the closest thing humanity has to time traveling. If you want to time travel, well at least to the past, grab a pen/pencil and paper and start writing!
As I was looking back at my journal and I realized just how much I have progressed. When I glanced in the journal I re-visited a anxiety and stress prone seventeen year old. My journal entries were scribbled with my school fears: failing AP tests, not finishing papers in time, relationships, college rejections, tennis competitions etc. I always seemed to have something to rant about.Looking back at those entries, I feel silly for worrying about trivial things. I really had no reason to worry about those things. In the end I always achieved success: I scored 3 and 4's on my AP exams, I earned high grades on my papers, I dealt with relationships the best that I could, I was accepted to all of my colleges and am very satisfied with the one I am attending, and I did just fine at my tennis tournaments. I was a bit of a worry wart.
Now, I am journaling as more aware and relaxed eighteen year old college freshman. I realized I have no reason to constantly stress about school work. There are bigger problems in the world. There are bigger things I can be worried about. I proved to myself that school work and activities should not be something I have to worry about.
April 24, 2010 was the start of a more aware me. On that day, my car and another collided head on and I was plummeted into major revelation. On that day I was inches to death. After that moment, I realized that my school stress was pointless. It is silly for me to stress about a paper, when life itself is so fragile. After talking to my English teacher and engaging in deep contemplation, I vowed to fully live my life, and stop wasting my life away, rotting in pointless fear of failure. Perfection is impossible. It took a car crash for me to realize that simple truth. Life is never-ending roller coaster. There are going to be many high and low points. The key is to enjoy the ride, no matter how bumpy. With each bump, you have the opportunity to learn something new.
After reflecting on 2010, I have decided that during the year of 2011 and years to come, my main goal is to simply live. I plan on living each frame of life to the fullest. I want to be open to change and embrace new and different experiences. During future experiences, I plan on listening to my body, mind and soul, by deeply feeling every emotion and sensation in my heart and in my body. Once I have felt the variety of feelings my body produces, I will record it in my journal or on this blog. I will treat my body with respect by living a stress-free and healthy lifestyle, full exercise and meditation. Ultimately, my goal for 2011 is to enjoy my time at college and learn as much as can. I will open my perception to a wide range of possibilities and ideas in order to see the rainbow that life is.
Happy New Years Everyone! Hope you all have a wonderful year! 2011! My year of awareness and love. Peace, Happiness and Love to you all!
I like your mature perspective of celebrating the new year. I don't drink (and have no plans of starting), so I've got great respect for people who are wise enough to realize that there's so much more to life than just getting drunk. :-) Keep that up.
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