My mom tells me I'm acting like an adult now, but the more I think about it I have to disagree with her. Just because I enjoy shopping with her in the Women's (opposed to the junior section) section in Macy's or reading Shape magazine (opposed to Seventeen magazine) doesn't mean I'm any more mature than I was when I was 12. I'd like to think that a part of being an adult is having more courage and self-acceptance, but I'm beginning to realize that adults are just really big kids.
The monster in the closet just takes a new form. The difference between children and adults is that adults try to barricade the closet with their ego, while children actually admit their fear of this mind-created monster. Children are actually the braver ones; they instinctually admit the fear and use love to overcome it. A simple cuddle is all it takes to remove the monster of fear residing in theirs heads. Adults cower away from any affection and choose to run away from whatever monster they have created in their mind.
I'm beginning to really notice how often fear starts creeping into my and my family's life. I thought I stopped frequently stressing out about unimportant things, but really I'm just revisiting my insecure, worry wart 12 year self. I still worry about getting the highest grades and having the best looks and smallest waistline and an amazing boyfriend. My worries now are exactly the same. I can't wait to deal with taxes...
Childhood is really the best time of human beings life. Children confront, accept and overcome their fears to enjoy life. I miss being able to play without the need for victory to spoil a light game of tennis, I miss being able to live in the moment. I miss the ignorance, indifference and innocence. Being adult should not include abandoning your inner child. That person will guide you through your most darkest time. There is nothing wrong with using the night-light now and then.
